26 November, 2009

The two greatest people who I owe my life to

I write this post to tell you about two people who have saved my life, literally. The first is my father. As I grew up, my family was very broken. Mum and Dad were fighting a lot. I was the only child of my father but I am the youngest of five for my mother. My mother used to threaten my father often that if he wouldn't do what she said than she would take me away from him. So I grew up with the fear that I could one day never be able to see my father again. In my early teens I had a serve mental breakdown and I often thought about suicide. One day I had enough of life and I was waiting for my parents to leave for work so that I could end my life. Before my father left, he must of noticed something was not right with me. He sat down and asked how I was. I never had the guts to tell what I had planned. He asked me how I was feeling and I said that I was fine. He sat there and stared at me and said to grab some lunch and for me to come with him to work. Looking back now I can realise what he had done and on many occasions after that. He knew how to read me like a book. Dad and I had our ups and downs like many teenagers, but he was always there. He supported me in a way that I did things that I never thought I could ever do. Until I was 17, I hardly left the house because of fear. When I hit 17, I got my first job. Even if he didn't agree with my decisions, he always supported me. He gave me the opportunity to win and to fail. My father was my greatest support. When I meet my wife, I had this thought that if my father and my cat liked her than I knew she was the one for me. The first day my father met my future wife, he said that she is the perfect wife for me and my cat loved her to.

About a couple of months before I proposed to my future wife, I had another break down. I hadn't sleep for at least a week. Once again I got to the point where I wanted to end my life. I wrote her a goodbye letter and I started to write one for my father. I sat there staring at the paper, my eyes were full of tears. I stared at a photo of my dad and one of my future wife, part from the letter, everything was set. A little voice inside said that I should go back to the doctors and give them one more try, I didn't want to die, but at that time death looked like the only way out. So I went to the doctor. He gave me something for me to sleep and he contacted my parents to come and get me and not to leave me alone. I slept very hard and long and I woke up feeling like a different person. My next problem was to tell my parents my plan and beg for forgiveness from my future wife. She said that I didn't need her forgiveness but I had to promise her one thing, that I would never try to end my life ever again and that is one promise I will never break. So after all of that we got married. My wife and my father became my supports, helping me along the road to recovery.

One and a half years later, my father passed away from cancer. At the moment I become lost. A major support for all my life was now just gone. My beautiful wife was there to help me through it all. Six months after dads death I had my 4th breakdown. As this happened, a psychologist I was seeing at that time told me if I don't pull my head together I would lose my wife as well. The thought of that flattened me. I got severely sick. But my wife never left me. She became my strength that I needed. Without her I wouldn't be alive today because there have been times that I felt like breaking that promise. My wife suffers from depression as well. I always tell her that she is stronger than I will ever be. She is my rock. If I could give her the world I would.

I agree with Andy Griggs in his song called "She Thinks She Needs Me", my wife says that she needs me, but it is me that needs her. Here is a link to the film clip for that song

19 November, 2009

Feeling Alone

Have you ever felt alone? A lot of us have. But for some it affects them quite often. The phobia is called "Monophobia". I have suffered with this phobia on and off for a few years. It not only affects the person who is suffering from it, but it can affect the partner or relatives of that person. Let me explain. The feeling of being alone is an awful feeling. Just imagine getting that feeling out of the blue. You could be sitting in the middle of a shopping centre and all of a sudden this awful feeling takes over. You may be wondering how it affects the person who is with you? It affects them because here you are with them keeping them company and they get this alone feeling. It can make you feel not wanted or that your company is not good enough. But that is further from the truth. I know it makes my wife feel that she's not wanted when I get these feelings. It is only now that she does not take offence to it. According to research, Monophobia can go hand in hand with Agoraphobia. This can cause some discomfort as some may need to be around a lot of people to combat that feeling of loneliness. One way to combat this dilemma, is to build up some confidence with dealing with crowds is to find maybe a park where there is some people around. This will allow the person to interact with people, but with the comfort of a open space. Evidence seems to suggest that the Monophobic suffers have feelings of being unsafe and can be the main focus for them.

One way to reduce this feeling of loneliness is to try to distract yourself. Preferably with something that you find enjoyment, for example a hobby or a walk in the park. Having a few distraction options available to you when you notice the feeling coming on, can sometimes lesson the effects of it. Monophobia like many phobias, cannot be talked or bullied out of someone. Seeing a trained professional can help ease the effects over time.

I hope this has given you a bit of an insight into this phobia and how it has made me feel. Some may find that this phobia affects them in different ways. If you suffer from Monophobic, you are not alone.

18 November, 2009

Have a break

Do you stop to smell the roses? What I mean is, do you just stop what you are doing and take a break? Most of us at one time or another just go at full pace and don't even stop for a breathe. My father was like that all the time. He worked full time, five days a week and he would have the weekends off. Instead of taking some time to rest on the weekend he would still be flat out working around the house. He would find a task where there was no task that needed doing. He did this for most of his life. If I tried to help him and get some of the work done, he would find more. It took him until four months before he passed away to realise that you need to stop and have a break. Because he didn't let his body recover from the constant rushing, his body was riddle with cancer. I'm not saying that is what caused the cancer, but it didn't help. He took his first holiday two months before he died. We found out that he had an inoperable cancer in the brain the day we got back from his holiday. He said that holiday was one of the best times of his life and he wished that he did it sooner.

So why am I telling you this? Take the time to have a break. Yes a lot of us have to work or care for our children. But what I am getting at is stop and think can the grass wait another day to mow or can the floor wait a couple of days to be swept? Learn from my father and don't leave it till its too late. Even if it is just for 15 minutes to lay in the bath tub and relax or to sit down and watch a funny movie. Think of it this way, if you drove your car all day and all night for a year and only stop to refuel, you would wear out its engine and parts. So, if we only stop refuel our bodies and then we get back into work, eventually, like your car, it will break down. So take the time to smell the roses.

16 November, 2009

Tomorrows anxieties

“Never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties." Have you ever heard that saying? It is very true! Some of us simply can't help worry about tomorrow, like worrying about going to the doctor tomorrow or a report that is due at work. And most of the time it turns out that we made a mountain out of a mole hill. Yes, there are times that we need to plan for the next day, work out what is needed and how we will go about it. But what I am talking about is when there is nothing we can do or work out to change what will be happening for the next day. For example, I had a skin cancer taken out of my back about a month ago, I was stressing not about the cancer but the needle. I just couldn't get it out of my head that the needle will hurt. So to combat the negative thought, I went and put on a Star Trek DVD, which always takes my mind off of things, it helps distract me. When I calmed down, I used positive thought strategies to tell myself that yes the needle would hurt a little but it will be over in a second and my wife was going to be there so I will be ok. You know what, it worked! Yes, before the procedure I was nervous but I was able to control the worry feelings and stayed calm for the day.

So how do you combat these worrying thoughts and feelings? First, keep telling yourself "that there is nothing that can be done about it now, lets deal with that tomorrow". Second, find something that distracts your mind. Even if it distracts your mind for an hour, you can work on building that hour up to two hours etc. Third, talk to a close friend about it, asking for their advise can help you deal with the problem.

“Never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties." This saying comes from the bible and could not be any more correct. Each day we live, has its own worries and problems. Sometimes leaving a problem until the next day to work it out can help us cope with today's problems.

15 November, 2009

My Second Award

Wow, another award. Thank you so much Beautiful Dreamer. . I really appreciate everyone that takes the time to read my blog. Thanks heaps.

The Rules & Regulations are as follows:
-Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass the award on to five most deserving blogger.

-Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and the name of the blog from whom s/he has received the award.

-Each Superior Scribbler must display the award on his/her blog, and link to The Scholastic Scribe, which explains the award.

-Each blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr Linky List. That way, they'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives this prestigious honour.

-Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog. In keeping with the blogger tradition, I would like to pass this award on to some of the deserving bloggers which I follow:

1. Always a Mom found here:

2. Niqis Nook found here:

3. 2be found here:

4.Dayne Gingrich found here:

5. And one back at you Beautiful Dreamer found here:

New Blog

Hey Everyone, I have created a new blog with the sole purpose of bringing a smile to your day. It includes everyday a Pic of the day and Useless Information of the day.It can be found here
I hope that you enjoy and I look forward to your comments. Please let me know what you think and any ideas that you may have are welcome.


12 November, 2009

My First Award

Hey All,

I won this award from a really great blogger Always A Mom:
With this award you need to follow these few simple rules:

1. Thank the person who gave the award to you.

2. Copy award.

3. Post it in your blog.

4. Tell us 7 things that your readers don't know.

Link 7 new bloggers as recipients.

6. Notify winners of award with comment on their blog .

7. Keep being awesome!


1. I have been happily married for four years to the greatest woman in the world
2. I lost my father two years ago to cancer
3. I enjoy woodworking, gardening and fishing
4. I cherish all that I have learned over the years as they have molded me to whom I am
5. I really would love to have kids one day
6. I love helping others
7. and if the world and everyone was made out of chocolate, then I would be a cannibal. :)

The 7 blogger's who I believe that have great post are: (I would like to nominate more than 7, is that allowed)

1.Beautiful Dreamer blog at:

2. My Diary blog at:

3. Always A Mom at: (I know that she nominated me, but I believe she deserve one back)

4. Coach Your Mind at:

5. Reduce Footprints at:

6. Life Arts Trainer at:

7. Niqis Nook at:

11 November, 2009


Hey everyone,

Just quick post to say thank you to everyone that has commented on and read my blog. I have only just found out that I can comment on my own post to say thanks for the comments.

Thanks again.

Look for it

(I am not a trained professional. I am just someone who is going through depression. Always seek medical advice.)

Do you remember a time that you felt sad and lost the energy that you had. Some people get that quite often because they have depression. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that a person who is depressed feels worse than you did during that time of sadness, I am writing this post to help everyone to understand a little about depression and to give some hope to the ones who have depression. There is a lot of articles about depression these days, I just wanted to give you my side of having depression.

First, a little about being depressed. A person who is depressed may feel alone, sadness, no enjoyment in life, hopeless or worthless, just to name a few. To have depression, you don't need to feel depressed every minute of every day. Some feel depressed a short time through the day, like when they get home from work or going to bed. Others may feel depressed once a week. There is no set time for a person to be depressed.

But that is enough of the symptoms, lets look at the hope that we can all have when we are depressed. The first thing when comes to getting back on the right track is to have a long look at yourself. Take some time out with a note pad and write how you feel each day. How you feel when facing different situations and when you feel sad or alone. Write down every feeling you have had during those times. With that list, visit your local doctor with it and talk to them about it. Getting over that first hump by visiting your doctor can be the road to recovery. There a things available that can help with the symptoms. One is medication. I know there will be a few out there that hate the thought of medication. That decision is up to you and your doctor. With me, it helped. I know some of my friends have had to go on anti-depressant for a couple of months just to help them over a stressful period. Seeing a psychologist can be very beneficial. They can give you strategies to combat depression and they are great to go and see to help talk about how you feel. Having close friends who know that you have depression and that are supportive can benefit quite a lot. Taking time to reward yourself with something that you like, for example treating yourself by going to the movies or a walk along the beach is really good.

I know when I have down times I just feel like crawling into a cave. But at these times we need to get ourselves up and do something. "Yer right, that is easy said" some are probably saying. Believe me it can be a challenge. But doing something like going for a walk really does work. I found that when I feel down, I like to go and work on some of my hobbies or watch a Star Trek dvd. By doing doing something that distracts your mind can be very helpful. I will admit it works 99% of the time, but I know that I have to give it a go for me to feel better. Exercise is great to. Getting outside and getting some fresh air is great. Even if you go outside and read a book under a tree, at least you are outside.

Depression can be very hard to deal with. I am the first to admit that it is a bumpy road and there are potholes along the way, but if I want to get better I have to put effort in. I have had depression since I was 11 and now I am 25 and I still have days that I am depressed, but I am the happiest I have ever been. There were times I stopped eating, times I was put on suicide watch, times I never left the house and times I never left my mothers side. But I am living proof that depression can be controlled and overcome. In the those 14 years, I had really good times, times that I didn't need to see any psychologists or doctors, times that I was very happy and I had a career. I got married, something that I never thought I could do when I was very depressed. I know that when a person is depressed that they feel there is no hope, but there is. If you are finding it hard, please go and see someone. Getting help is no quick fix, but it can be what gets you back on track. There is away out of those down times, you just have to look for it.

I am not a trained professional. I am just someone who is going through depression. Always seek medical advice.

01 November, 2009

Panic Attacks

(I am not a trained professional, I am only a person who has gone through many panic attacks. Always see a doctor about any symptoms you may have.)

In light of my last post, I thought that I would write about panic attacks. Have you ever had a panic attack? Some of you will answer straight away "Yes", others may say "No", but there are a few out there that do not know what a panic attack is or what it is like to have one. So what is a panic attack? The website, says that there are three different types of panic attacks. Spontaneous panic attacks,  Specific panic attacks,  and Situational panic attacks.  Spontaneous panic attacks come without warning at anytime, Specific panic attacks  occur in relation to a fear eg. Spiders, and Situational panic attacks occur in situations eg. you may have one everytime you visit a shopping centre. But the symptoms can be the same. Symptoms can be some or all of these, like shortness of breath or smothering, heart racing, sweaty palms, shaking uncontrollably, body sweating, cloudy mind, dizziness, chest pains, nausea, fear of loosing control or dying or hot or cold flushes, just to name a few. 

The best way I can describe the panic attacks I get is if your body got a massive adrenalin rush, but instead of giving you heap of energy, it turned everything on in your body. I have had different levels of that feeling. Panic attacks can last a couple of minutes to 1/2 hour at all different severities. After a panic attack some feel very worn out and tired. But some have said they have felt relief, especially when they have been worried or stressed. 

Are there any warning signs that you are going to have one? Not all of the time. The best way to describe some panic attacks early signs is that your heart will start to race with no reason and then you will start breathing faster. But that is only one example. Each person over time will be able to realise these early signs, unless it just comes on suddenly. 

Is there a cure? Well there are surely ways to stop them over time. Medications from your doctor can help a lot. Visiting a counsellor or psychologist where they can teach you strategies on how to calm yourself down or even prevent you having a panic attack.

When you have a panic attack it can be a scary thing. There are few strategies that I have learned that may help. Maybe having some cards in your wallet or where you can grab them quickly with some reassurance words saying "that everything is going to be ok" can help.  Another one is while counting to five slowly while you breath in through your nose and then counting to five slowly again while exhaling, do this for about five times and just after the fifth exhale say to yourself for five times "everythings ok, I can calm down right now." Do this again but shorten it to four breaths and sayings and so on. What this does is gets your brains attention because the thing that your mind is very focused on is your breathing and when it notices a change with your breathing it will focus on that, and saying that everything is ok, your mind will take that in more. 

If you feel that you have had a panic attack, write down your symptoms and take them to your doctor. There maybe something that they would suggest that would work for you.  Remember, that I am not a doctor. Always seek medical advise.

My Day

This day has hit me hard. I went to assembly today. I have a great fear of crowds and my wife and myself knew that there was going to be a lot of people so we took 2 of our camping chairs so that we could sit outside in the shade to listen to the program. I started off very nervous which by 10:30 it had seem to pass. About 1/2 hour later I started to feel funny, very hard to discribe, just not normal for me. About 30 seconds after that feeling I was hit with a major panic attack. It lasted about 10 minutes. Straight away I got some of my medication that helps me with this kind of thing. It was about 20 minutes before I could get back to our seats. The rest of the day I have been feeling very drained. I am feeling depressed and I am fighting the voices that tell me never go near people again or you will have a breakdown. That is making more depressed as I don't want to have another breakdown again, I have already had 5. So I write this post hoping that it clears my mind and helps not to go down that road of another breakdown, but hopefully it clears my mind enough to start to thick straight and look at this just as a dip in the road.

28 October, 2009

To my beautiful wife

You are the one who I cherish and you are my world. I know I tell you everyday that you are beautiful and I love you heaps, but I wanted to write this down so that you would have this to remember if you are ever down and I am away.

Andy Griggs song "She thinks she needs me" cannot put it better in the chorus "She don’t know how much I need her,  She don’t know I’d fall apart, Without her kiss, without her touch, Without her faithful, loving arms,
She don’t know that it’s all about her, She don’t know I can’t live without her, She’s my world, she’s my everything, And she thinks she needs me."

Never forget that I love you and you are my one and only.

Feel Good

What makes you feel good? A hug, a chat with a friend, outing with some friends, playing sports, exercising or even pets are just a few things that can make you feel good. Is it wrong to enjoy what makes you feel good? No, well if it isn't illegal drugs, gambling (in the case of obsessive gambling) or anything harmful. A lot of us can only maybe enjoy something once a week or something a long those lines. But we should never give up on these things as they can help in more ways than you think. For example, if a person is depressed, doing something that makes them feel happy, even for a minute, can speed up the recovery time. Because without doing something that we like regularly, we tend to forget how good it makes us feel which can then make us feel down. It doesn't have to be something that costs you money. A chat with a friend, a nice walk in the park or even watching your favourite TV show or movie.

Another way that can make us feel good is talking to others about our problems. Getting them off our chest cannot only make you feel good but can lighten the load from stress & other problems. A friend, family members or even a professional can be great. Finding someone that makes you feel safe and secure can help. Writing a blog is a great way to get things off your chest. Who knows, you could even make a friend or two.

I am the first to admit that sometimes you may get down or stressed. But even remembering these good times can take the edge off your problem. 

27 October, 2009

Take The Opportunity

Always take the opportunity. Because one day you won't be able to.

Everyday you spend time with the one you love, it can make you feel warm and loved. A hug can take away the pain from an illness or mend a broken heart. That feeling you get may only last for a minute but that minute is worth more than all the gold in the world. When you hear their voice it can brighten up a dark room. But when was the last time you said thank you or I love you? Many people have lost a loved one or someone close to them. I would guarantee that most of them wish they could have told the one they lost that they love them or that they appreciate everything that they did for them. That feeling can haunt you for a long time. Always take the opportunity to thank the one you love, a best friend or even a person that you feel comfortable with. I lost my father recently to cancer. I was lucky to be there for his death and for me to tell him that I loved him before he took his last breath. For months later I felt that I was not a good son to him and that I never told him that I appreciated everything he did for me. But my wife always reminded me that the time I spent with him and everything I have done, he was proud of me and that the life I have made for myself was all my father wanted me to have, he had brought me up the right way. Is that enough? There isn't a day that goes by that I wish I told him that I was proud of being his son.

There might be a parent or sibling that you don't speak to anymore, I know I have. You might be thinking "what do you do then, the last time you have spoken to them you had a argument"? I know I have tried to patch things up, but they won't speak to me. So I sent them a email, telling them how I felt and that I still loved them. But still nothing. I know in my heart that I have done everything that could have been done. In this situation you need to make peace in your heart. This is not going to stop that feeling of regret, but it will make the healing of getting over the loss some what easier.

If you have lost someone, remember the good times together, the moments that made you laugh and the times that they made you feel loved, safe and warm. Talk to others about them. Remembering these good times, will not take the pain away completely, but it can surely make the load lighter.  

So I write this blog not to make you depressed or sad, but to remind you to take the opportunity to say "I love you" to the person you love or to your family members. Because one day it will be too late.

26 October, 2009


(Note: I am not a doctor or health professional. I am just a person who suffers from different fears)

Fear! It can make you face a challenge and beat it. But it is the other fear, the fear that stops you from doing something that I am talking about. Is there any different between the two, sometimes. But I want to focus on the fear/phobia that stops you. I have a major fear of Vomiting. It is called "
Emetophobia". You may think why would someone fear that? Or it must be very rare. Well it is quite common. Like many phobias, some people do not like to tell you that they are afraid of something. Because of this fear, I have stopped eating twice for a couple weeks at a time. I believed that if I ate then I was going to be sick, which I never have. There were times that I never left the house or when I have felt funny in the stomach I would have a panic attack. I have fear of heights, spiders etc. but nothing like Emetophobia. Is there a cure for this fear. Well they say there is and it is costly. You might be thinking the best way to over come it is to just vomit or make your self sick and then you will find that it isn't that bad. Well that may work some people, but for me and most sufferers, that will make things worse. For example, a person who has fear of spiders can attend workshops that they slowly introduce you to spiders. Over the time you will become more comfortable with spiders. (I am not saying that a fear of spiders is not bad or that the workshops help everyone, I am just making an example) But doing that for Emetophobia can actually bring damage to yourself by forcing yourself to vomit.

So I am guessing a few people in the world will say what was I thinking when I typed this on my blog? Well I am hoping that it can become more known to the world and help people to understand it and as well to help people who suffer from it not to be afraid to suffer and to realise that you are not alone.

I still suffer quite badly from it. I don't know how to get over it either but I can surely tell you how I cope with it. When I start to become anxious about feeling sick, my beautiful wife reassures me that it is only a feeling and that I am not going to be sick. This reassureance is helping, but psychologists will say that I will have to start reassuring myself and not relying on my wife. One thing I would like to stress to everyone even if you don't suffer Emetophobia, NEVER STOP EATING!!! I have damamged my body so much that now I suffer from reflux which I have to use high dosages of medication and I suffer from irritable bowel sydrome. My immune system is shot which I am more susceptable to flu's and bugs. I cannot stress this point enough!

Fears/Phobias can change your life. Never let a fear to over come you. Seek help and support straight away if it starts to interfear with your life. I will stress that I am not saying that if you have a fear you are going to become sick, just keep an eye on it. Professional help can help you. Some medications can help some phobias effects. So can support from family, friends or support groups.

I hope that you have found my blog interesting and I hope that you will read my blogs in the future. Please let me know what your thoughts are.