11 December, 2010

I didn't know how to start this post so I thought I will just jump straight in. My father always taught me that to find success in a relationship, both need a trusting, loving, caring and understanding heart. Relationships struggle when both parties are pulling different ways. Before I go further with this, I would like to say that each relationships are different and the rest of this post is based on my relationship and what my father taught me. You may find some points in this helpful to your relationship.

Trust is not something that can be earned straight away (the trust I am talking about is the full and complete trust that comes with time and getting know each other very closely). As you get to know each other, your trust expands to include what you know about them. For example what they feel about only sex after marriage and would they stay true to it. Each person builds trust at different rates. Some say that if a person is too trusting straight up it could lead to heartache in the long run as they didn't build that trust firmly. With trust comes stronger bond of love and care.

But what happens if the trust is lost? If someone has done something that has lost your trust in them what do you do? Taking the time to think about is good, but don't do it straight away, give yourself time to go through the emotions. At times, we tend to see everything is bad right after the event and nothing will change our mind. I'm not saying that you should forgive them for what they have done. Once you have gone through the emotions, sit down and really think about what has happen and how it has effected at the time and what effect will it have on your future. Also consider was it a mistake or a one time thing or if it was a deliberate event and why it happened. Once you have considered that why it happened, the next step is how it made you feel at the time you found out and how it makes you feel now. Also if it is likely to happen again in the future and if the person is truly sorry. Once you have answered these questions and you feel that you have made the right decision you may wish to let the person know. If so, let them know how it made you feel and why you came to that decision.What ever decision you make, always remember how you felt and how you came to the final decision. 

Sometimes when trust is broken and the one who's trust was broken and they decided to get back into their relationship with the one who broke their trust, they can go overboard when trying build up their relationship. An example is a couple I know and the lady in the relationship cheated on her boyfriend once with a guy they both knew. Her side of the story on why it happen was because her boyfriend only thought about himself and did not treat her and his kids with any love. His side of the story was he accepted at the time that what happen was part his fault and that they needed to work on their relationship and spend more time with his family. He moved out for a while until everything settled down. During this time he seeked help with a counsellor for help with building on their relationship. His girlfriend promised that it would never happen again and she wanted to focus back on their relationship Over time they got back together and everything seemed better. But not long after he moved back in he started calling his girlfriend nearly every hour to find out what she was doing and where she was. With these actions, he is causing more problems then good. Things are seeming to go back to where they were. So if you were the victim of trust being broken and you would like to get back with your partner, just be careful that things don't go back the way they were or you don't expect perfection from your partner. You are the victim, don't me wrong and it is your trust that was hurt, I just would not like to see that things go back to what they were before your trust is broken. I can't express enough that in no way am I saying that you are not the victim.

Building a strong foundation with trust is a key to a happy relationship.

Dad update

Wow, my little man is 11 weeks today. What a 11 weeks. My little man's reflux is getting better and the new formula is doing great. He is over 6kg. My wife and my little man had to go in for a sleep study last week as my little man was not sleeping, well he slept but it would only be for about a hour then he will be awake. My wife ended up having to hold him while she slept which wore her done very quick. I would have done it but my medication knocks me completely out and it would just not have been safe. Well the sleep study told us what we already knew, he gets over stimulated and over active. We tried a lot of different techniques but nothing seemed to work. My wife came across a technique called EASY which is really working. The whole idea behind it is to have a schedule, but not a schedule that says that he must feed at this time and must be asleep at this time. To works as steps. 1st is to feed him, 2nd is to do a activity with him, 3rd when you see the signs of him becoming tired then you settle them done and then put them to bed and 4th is your own time. I am not fully sure of the details but I know it is really working well. My little man is sleeping a lot better and longer, but he has a lot of sleep to catch up on. He is a lot happier as well. He has started talking to us in his own language which is great.

My heart was broken today. One of my nephews came over to play some games with me, which I got to have one game with him as the little man was hungry. When I was playing the game with my nephew, I had put my little man in his walker (which really looks funny as he can't reach the floor yet) and had him beside me on the floor. After I played the game I went to make my little man a bottle and my wife came up to me and she said that my little man was trying to get my attention and I didn't see him. I thanked my wife for telling me but it broke my heart as I have always wanted my children to feel that they could up to me and always have my attention and never feel that I am not interested in what they had to tell me. So I went and said sorry to my little man and started to feed him. But my nephew, who did not hear what my wife had said, told me that my little man was trying to get my attention as well. This made feel worse. But I am making it a goal that it would never happen again. Another happen today as well. We just finished shopping and I was carrying my little man to the car. When we made it to the car I put my little man back into the prams capsule and then unlocked and started to pick it up. I was unaware that the handle was not locked properly and as I lifted the capsule up out of the pram the handle gave way and my little man feel out of the capsule and into the bottom of the pram. My wife picked him up and she was crying and so was the little man. I felt so sick in the stomach. He is ok, but it made me feel that he was not safe around me at the time. My wife later on spoke to me about it and said that it was only a accident.