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11 December, 2010

I didn't know how to start this post so I thought I will just jump straight in. My father always taught me that to find success in a relationship, both need a trusting, loving, caring and understanding heart. Relationships struggle when both parties are pulling different ways. Before I go further with this, I would like to say that each relationships are different and the rest of this post is based on my relationship and what my father taught me. You may find some points in this helpful to your relationship.

Trust is not something that can be earned straight away (the trust I am talking about is the full and complete trust that comes with time and getting know each other very closely). As you get to know each other, your trust expands to include what you know about them. For example what they feel about only sex after marriage and would they stay true to it. Each person builds trust at different rates. Some say that if a person is too trusting straight up it could lead to heartache in the long run as they didn't build that trust firmly. With trust comes stronger bond of love and care.

But what happens if the trust is lost? If someone has done something that has lost your trust in them what do you do? Taking the time to think about is good, but don't do it straight away, give yourself time to go through the emotions. At times, we tend to see everything is bad right after the event and nothing will change our mind. I'm not saying that you should forgive them for what they have done. Once you have gone through the emotions, sit down and really think about what has happen and how it has effected at the time and what effect will it have on your future. Also consider was it a mistake or a one time thing or if it was a deliberate event and why it happened. Once you have considered that why it happened, the next step is how it made you feel at the time you found out and how it makes you feel now. Also if it is likely to happen again in the future and if the person is truly sorry. Once you have answered these questions and you feel that you have made the right decision you may wish to let the person know. If so, let them know how it made you feel and why you came to that decision.What ever decision you make, always remember how you felt and how you came to the final decision. 

Sometimes when trust is broken and the one who's trust was broken and they decided to get back into their relationship with the one who broke their trust, they can go overboard when trying build up their relationship. An example is a couple I know and the lady in the relationship cheated on her boyfriend once with a guy they both knew. Her side of the story on why it happen was because her boyfriend only thought about himself and did not treat her and his kids with any love. His side of the story was he accepted at the time that what happen was part his fault and that they needed to work on their relationship and spend more time with his family. He moved out for a while until everything settled down. During this time he seeked help with a counsellor for help with building on their relationship. His girlfriend promised that it would never happen again and she wanted to focus back on their relationship Over time they got back together and everything seemed better. But not long after he moved back in he started calling his girlfriend nearly every hour to find out what she was doing and where she was. With these actions, he is causing more problems then good. Things are seeming to go back to where they were. So if you were the victim of trust being broken and you would like to get back with your partner, just be careful that things don't go back the way they were or you don't expect perfection from your partner. You are the victim, don't me wrong and it is your trust that was hurt, I just would not like to see that things go back to what they were before your trust is broken. I can't express enough that in no way am I saying that you are not the victim.

Building a strong foundation with trust is a key to a happy relationship.

Dad update

Wow, my little man is 11 weeks today. What a 11 weeks. My little man's reflux is getting better and the new formula is doing great. He is over 6kg. My wife and my little man had to go in for a sleep study last week as my little man was not sleeping, well he slept but it would only be for about a hour then he will be awake. My wife ended up having to hold him while she slept which wore her done very quick. I would have done it but my medication knocks me completely out and it would just not have been safe. Well the sleep study told us what we already knew, he gets over stimulated and over active. We tried a lot of different techniques but nothing seemed to work. My wife came across a technique called EASY which is really working. The whole idea behind it is to have a schedule, but not a schedule that says that he must feed at this time and must be asleep at this time. To works as steps. 1st is to feed him, 2nd is to do a activity with him, 3rd when you see the signs of him becoming tired then you settle them done and then put them to bed and 4th is your own time. I am not fully sure of the details but I know it is really working well. My little man is sleeping a lot better and longer, but he has a lot of sleep to catch up on. He is a lot happier as well. He has started talking to us in his own language which is great.

My heart was broken today. One of my nephews came over to play some games with me, which I got to have one game with him as the little man was hungry. When I was playing the game with my nephew, I had put my little man in his walker (which really looks funny as he can't reach the floor yet) and had him beside me on the floor. After I played the game I went to make my little man a bottle and my wife came up to me and she said that my little man was trying to get my attention and I didn't see him. I thanked my wife for telling me but it broke my heart as I have always wanted my children to feel that they could up to me and always have my attention and never feel that I am not interested in what they had to tell me. So I went and said sorry to my little man and started to feed him. But my nephew, who did not hear what my wife had said, told me that my little man was trying to get my attention as well. This made feel worse. But I am making it a goal that it would never happen again. Another happen today as well. We just finished shopping and I was carrying my little man to the car. When we made it to the car I put my little man back into the prams capsule and then unlocked and started to pick it up. I was unaware that the handle was not locked properly and as I lifted the capsule up out of the pram the handle gave way and my little man feel out of the capsule and into the bottom of the pram. My wife picked him up and she was crying and so was the little man. I felt so sick in the stomach. He is ok, but it made me feel that he was not safe around me at the time. My wife later on spoke to me about it and said that it was only a accident.

23 November, 2010

Coach Your Mind: Your Story: "I Dare You!"

Coach Your Mind: Your Story: "I Dare You!": "This next story is soooo powerful! My jaw is still dropped, even after the 10th time reading it. It was sent to me anonymously in one long ..."

15 November, 2010


Wow what a last couple of weeks. Little man on new formula which is working great. The little man that we had at his birth is coming back. He is a lot happier and sleeps a lot longer. We found that he is allergic to dairy. He is sleeping with my wife as this is the only way he will sleep. The pediatrician said to do it if it is only way to get him to sleep. I have had a lot of time to think of some ideas on what I would like to post about, so when I can get some time I will have a few posts to post.

One of my greatest fears hit me this week, my wife had a vomitting stomach bug. Vomitting is my greatest fear along with loosing my family. I have felt selfish, scared, worried and upset. I hate seeing my wife sick and I will do anything to get her better, but how do you help someone when a great fear is in the road. I felt selfish because instead of me worrying about my wife, I asked her if I would get it. (just for your info, I had some very bad childhood vomiting problems and now because the fear has got that bad that I have to ask my wife if I won't be sick if I feel unwell.) I suffer from a condition that I can have full conversations with people in my sleep. I have even driven a car while I was asleep. I have no clue what it is called. I had one of these episodes while my wife was sick and she said that she vomitted and she said that I went off my head at her saying that I will get it and it is all her fault. I was devastated when she told me what happen. I am still saying sorry to her.

I would like to apologies to other bloggers who I follow as I seem to forget to post a comment about their post or even say I read their post. I do read your post. I not sure if there is something that is like Facebook that you can just click like. Catch up soon.

18 October, 2010

Hard week

This is a hard post to write. Between life and death, family and foe. So here we go. The week started with learning my little man is lactose intolerant. (We have been trying different stuff to see what will help him, but so far we have not found the right stuff. We are heading back to the doctors to see what we can do.) This has caused some extra stress around the house hold. But it got bad on Thursday. With a family that is very rocky at the best of times something happen that rocked the boat, (not between my wife and me) my cousin posted a event on Facebook about supporting pro choice about abortions. (to give a quick history to why I feel strong about this, is because when my wife became pregnant we were told by a few of our family that we have done the wrong thing, which it got to a point that I consider a abortion, which never happened) I posted a comment saying how wrong it is and I feel that it is murder. (in no way is this post to voice my opinion on the matter. I am giving a bit of history) Well this started a argument over facebook which lasted all afternoon. I will admit that I said some wrong things and so did they, but that is no excuse for what I said. This caused a ripple to go through the family. I went away and calmed down and then went straight in and apologised for what I said to my cousin and said that I will not speak about this matter anymore with her and I asked if we could forget about it. Well that didn't go down well.

So my anxiety was quite high and my depression was getting out of control. But I just got on with it. Friday was our wedding anniversary. My mother in-law shouted us a dinner out and then we caught a movie while she looked after my little man. We had a great time. On our return to my mother in-laws house she had a friend over. We all got talking and the argument that I had with my cousin was brought out. My mother in-law and her friend got into about it and told me that what I did was very wrong. I accepted this and was willing to change the subject, but it kept going. It ended with my wife in tears, which made me said that it is time to go. We left and we didn't much sleep that night. I was up early and I looked after my little man. I logged onto Facebook and there was some nasty comments which really hurt. Then it all collapsed. I felt that family was against me. As my wife was asleep and I didn't want to wake her. So all morning I just held my little man close. I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts for 15 years, (there are times that they don't bother me, but I do have my hard times), because I hit a low I started to feel life was just not worth living. I made a promise to wife before we got married that I would never attempt suicide again, but it was hard to keep that promise. So I just held my little man all morning. I knew that if I held him I would never do anything. I don't know why but I posted as my status on Facebook that death sounds good at the moment. Our phone kept ringing all morning, but when you feel pretty low, the last thing I wanted to do is talk to anyone.

It just got to much and I went into my wife and told her how I was that morning and just couldn't stop crying. Then my mum and sister turned up because of the comment. My mum and sister looked after my little man and sent my wife out to have some lunch and to relax. It really helped. I am better now.

Yep suicide can be a selfish way some may say. How could I even think about killing myself with having a beautiful and great wife and a handsome little man? I don't know why I would. All I can say is, don't commit suicide. Life is worth living. I have been right at the point of no return, but I decided to give life one more try. Give life another chance.

Sorry, I usually like to post only positive things, but I think I needed to get this out.

12 October, 2010

Coach Your Mind: Feet Are For Steppin'

Coach Your Mind: Feet Are For Steppin': "'You don't have to see the whole staircase... just take the first step.' -Martin Luther King, Jr. '... and keep steppin!' -Me"

11 October, 2010

Inspirational words of wisdom

I came across this Inspirational words of wisdom story that was very thought provoking and that can really ask questions in ourselves of what would we do in this situation. It is called "The Mouse Trap", I am not sure who the author was though.

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow and said "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose." So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital, and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.

But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral; the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.
The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

So what would you do if someone approached with a worry or problem? This story even made me ask what would I do. Thinking about it, there have been times when people have approached me with a problem and don't feel that I did enough. Nothing happen bad in them instances. This in no way says that if someone approached you with a problem that you always have to help, but don't just dismiss it straight away. A listening ear is all that is needed sometimes. 

Thanks to everyone that reads my blog. Please leave me a comment with your blog address so that I can enjoy reading your blog as well.