26 November, 2009

The two greatest people who I owe my life to

I write this post to tell you about two people who have saved my life, literally. The first is my father. As I grew up, my family was very broken. Mum and Dad were fighting a lot. I was the only child of my father but I am the youngest of five for my mother. My mother used to threaten my father often that if he wouldn't do what she said than she would take me away from him. So I grew up with the fear that I could one day never be able to see my father again. In my early teens I had a serve mental breakdown and I often thought about suicide. One day I had enough of life and I was waiting for my parents to leave for work so that I could end my life. Before my father left, he must of noticed something was not right with me. He sat down and asked how I was. I never had the guts to tell what I had planned. He asked me how I was feeling and I said that I was fine. He sat there and stared at me and said to grab some lunch and for me to come with him to work. Looking back now I can realise what he had done and on many occasions after that. He knew how to read me like a book. Dad and I had our ups and downs like many teenagers, but he was always there. He supported me in a way that I did things that I never thought I could ever do. Until I was 17, I hardly left the house because of fear. When I hit 17, I got my first job. Even if he didn't agree with my decisions, he always supported me. He gave me the opportunity to win and to fail. My father was my greatest support. When I meet my wife, I had this thought that if my father and my cat liked her than I knew she was the one for me. The first day my father met my future wife, he said that she is the perfect wife for me and my cat loved her to.

About a couple of months before I proposed to my future wife, I had another break down. I hadn't sleep for at least a week. Once again I got to the point where I wanted to end my life. I wrote her a goodbye letter and I started to write one for my father. I sat there staring at the paper, my eyes were full of tears. I stared at a photo of my dad and one of my future wife, part from the letter, everything was set. A little voice inside said that I should go back to the doctors and give them one more try, I didn't want to die, but at that time death looked like the only way out. So I went to the doctor. He gave me something for me to sleep and he contacted my parents to come and get me and not to leave me alone. I slept very hard and long and I woke up feeling like a different person. My next problem was to tell my parents my plan and beg for forgiveness from my future wife. She said that I didn't need her forgiveness but I had to promise her one thing, that I would never try to end my life ever again and that is one promise I will never break. So after all of that we got married. My wife and my father became my supports, helping me along the road to recovery.

One and a half years later, my father passed away from cancer. At the moment I become lost. A major support for all my life was now just gone. My beautiful wife was there to help me through it all. Six months after dads death I had my 4th breakdown. As this happened, a psychologist I was seeing at that time told me if I don't pull my head together I would lose my wife as well. The thought of that flattened me. I got severely sick. But my wife never left me. She became my strength that I needed. Without her I wouldn't be alive today because there have been times that I felt like breaking that promise. My wife suffers from depression as well. I always tell her that she is stronger than I will ever be. She is my rock. If I could give her the world I would.

I agree with Andy Griggs in his song called "She Thinks She Needs Me", my wife says that she needs me, but it is me that needs her. Here is a link to the film clip for that song


Beautiful Dreamer said...

Wonderful post! It made me cry! I'm glad you have someone who is there for you. Many people never find that someone who they love and need.

Beautiful Dreamer

aynzan said...

An interesting post! Everyone goes through some kind of emotional pain.Glad you pulled through..your wife deserves your unconditional love..

aynzan said...

An interesting post! Everyone goes through some kind of emotional pain.Glad you pulled through..your wife deserves your unconditional love..

Better Man said...

Thanks for the comments. My wife defiantly has my unconditional love. If it wasn't for her I wanted be who I am now. Thanks again for the comments

Small Footprints said...

What a beautiful tribute to your father ... and your wife. To me, it sounds like you and your wife need each other ... and how lovely is that. When she needs your support and encouragement ... I imagine that you are there for her. And when you need it, she is there for you. Isn't it wonderful!

Just remember that you always have a choice ... always. Sometimes we feel trapped and powerless ... and death seems like the only way out. But in reality, we aren't powerless and we can change anything. You have a choice!! Don't forget!!

I wish you many wonderful surprises down the road you're on ... surprises that will bring you joy and happiness ... surprises around every corner!

Anonymous said...

I was also touched by your post. I think your blog is amazing!

I know you were looking for feedback, and I was looking for new blogs to read. I am glad I found yours!

Better Man said...

Thanks for the comments guys.

SAM said...

You touched a sensitive chord here ( I am truly happy though that your account has a happier ending my mine.

And because you have been blessed with a committed wife and, soon, a baby to show for your deep love for each other, you owe it to them to pull yourself together. To not just become a better person (as you aptly said in your blog's title), but be the best person you possibly can.

Looking forward to reading the rest of your journey ...

Better Man said...

Thanks SAM.