Hey

Hey Everyone, Been a long time since my last post. Life has been a bit crazy with my family, mental health and a bub on the way. We are having a baby boy. I am very excited. My wife and me believed that this was the right time to have children. I have had a few people say that I should get my depression and anxiety under control before we have kids. I used to agree, but after talking deeply with my wife we agreed that there is no better time. My psychiatrist said that it might be the best thing for me as it will help me focus on our baby boy and not myself. I am not going to view our baby boy as the means to get better and I will certainly not blame him if it doesn't help.

I can't wait until he is born as then I can take on greater role with him. I know that doing the house work, cooking and massages really helps my wife and being there through out the pregnancy, but taking on bathing, hugs, settling him down for bed and taking him for a walk will make me feel closer to him. I love just laying on the bed with my wife and feeling him kick, going and getting a ultrasound and see him move and his little heart beat and just learning how each week he grows and develops.

Family. Well, my mum and I are talking again. Six months ago she said that she doesn't want to see me anymore. About 2 months ago, my brother was arrested and sent to jail. He was living with my mum and was supporting her financially. So mum had to move in with my sister. The day my brother was arrested, I got a call from my sister to say what has happen with my brother and that she and mum were up at the police station. I thought I should go up and support the family. Mum was quite upset when I arrived with what has happen. I thought that I should swallow my pride and go and comfort mum. With that single act she is talking to me again and has become involved with the pregnancy.

Mental Health. Well it has been up down. I was on a good mixture of pills which was working really good. Then one day they just stopped working. So that meant the long process of trialling medication, Still not 100%, having a lot of panic attacks lately. There is nothing that has been triggering them. One of my greatest fear is vomiting. So I am a little unsure how I will go when our baby boy gets older and catches a gastro bug. When babies bring up milk when you burp them doesn't worry me at all. Hopefully before he starts getting sick, I would like to be able to control that fear. I have again had to stop working. My employer has been really good as they have left my position open for me if I am able to go back. If I can I will go back.

So my goals for the future blogging. 1. to continue to update this blog & 2. to start a blog on being a new dad and write about my experiences and the many trials about being a dad. It probably be about how I spent a hour just to put a nappy on and stuff like that.

Thank you very much for reading this and I look forward to reading your post as well.