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01 November, 2009

My Day

This day has hit me hard. I went to assembly today. I have a great fear of crowds and my wife and myself knew that there was going to be a lot of people so we took 2 of our camping chairs so that we could sit outside in the shade to listen to the program. I started off very nervous which by 10:30 it had seem to pass. About 1/2 hour later I started to feel funny, very hard to discribe, just not normal for me. About 30 seconds after that feeling I was hit with a major panic attack. It lasted about 10 minutes. Straight away I got some of my medication that helps me with this kind of thing. It was about 20 minutes before I could get back to our seats. The rest of the day I have been feeling very drained. I am feeling depressed and I am fighting the voices that tell me never go near people again or you will have a breakdown. That is making more depressed as I don't want to have another breakdown again, I have already had 5. So I write this post hoping that it clears my mind and helps not to go down that road of another breakdown, but hopefully it clears my mind enough to start to thick straight and look at this just as a dip in the road.

5 comments:

Beautiful Dreamer said...

I feel your pain! Don't give up, we become stronger because of our experiences, good or bad!

Keep smiling! :)

Beautiful Dreamer

Stephen said...

I don't know if you already see a therapist for your difficulties or if you have in the past, but if you don't and can afford it I recommend giving it a try. Those people don't get PhDs and MDs for nothing :-). In any respect, best of luck in the future, and thanks for sharing!

good sense in daily life said...

Sometimes we just have to accept the things that have been done, brush off the dust & try again. Remind yourself of all the positive attibutes you contribute to the world & be proud of who you are.

Better Man said...

Thanks everyone for your comments. Just answer some of the question. Yes I do see a psychologist as well as a psychiatrist. I am on pretty heavy medication. Yesterday was the first time in a long time that I have had such a powerful panic attack. I get them regular but not like that one. Thanks again for the comments and I hope that you enjoy my blog.

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