11 December, 2010

I didn't know how to start this post so I thought I will just jump straight in. My father always taught me that to find success in a relationship, both need a trusting, loving, caring and understanding heart. Relationships struggle when both parties are pulling different ways. Before I go further with this, I would like to say that each relationships are different and the rest of this post is based on my relationship and what my father taught me. You may find some points in this helpful to your relationship.

Trust is not something that can be earned straight away (the trust I am talking about is the full and complete trust that comes with time and getting know each other very closely). As you get to know each other, your trust expands to include what you know about them. For example what they feel about only sex after marriage and would they stay true to it. Each person builds trust at different rates. Some say that if a person is too trusting straight up it could lead to heartache in the long run as they didn't build that trust firmly. With trust comes stronger bond of love and care.

But what happens if the trust is lost? If someone has done something that has lost your trust in them what do you do? Taking the time to think about is good, but don't do it straight away, give yourself time to go through the emotions. At times, we tend to see everything is bad right after the event and nothing will change our mind. I'm not saying that you should forgive them for what they have done. Once you have gone through the emotions, sit down and really think about what has happen and how it has effected at the time and what effect will it have on your future. Also consider was it a mistake or a one time thing or if it was a deliberate event and why it happened. Once you have considered that why it happened, the next step is how it made you feel at the time you found out and how it makes you feel now. Also if it is likely to happen again in the future and if the person is truly sorry. Once you have answered these questions and you feel that you have made the right decision you may wish to let the person know. If so, let them know how it made you feel and why you came to that decision.What ever decision you make, always remember how you felt and how you came to the final decision. 

Sometimes when trust is broken and the one who's trust was broken and they decided to get back into their relationship with the one who broke their trust, they can go overboard when trying build up their relationship. An example is a couple I know and the lady in the relationship cheated on her boyfriend once with a guy they both knew. Her side of the story on why it happen was because her boyfriend only thought about himself and did not treat her and his kids with any love. His side of the story was he accepted at the time that what happen was part his fault and that they needed to work on their relationship and spend more time with his family. He moved out for a while until everything settled down. During this time he seeked help with a counsellor for help with building on their relationship. His girlfriend promised that it would never happen again and she wanted to focus back on their relationship Over time they got back together and everything seemed better. But not long after he moved back in he started calling his girlfriend nearly every hour to find out what she was doing and where she was. With these actions, he is causing more problems then good. Things are seeming to go back to where they were. So if you were the victim of trust being broken and you would like to get back with your partner, just be careful that things don't go back the way they were or you don't expect perfection from your partner. You are the victim, don't me wrong and it is your trust that was hurt, I just would not like to see that things go back to what they were before your trust is broken. I can't express enough that in no way am I saying that you are not the victim.

Building a strong foundation with trust is a key to a happy relationship.