I didn't know how to start this post so I thought I will just jump straight in. My father always taught me that to find success in a relationship, both need a trusting, loving, caring and understanding heart. Relationships struggle when both parties are pulling different ways. Before I go further with this, I would like to say that each relationships are different and the rest of this post is based on my relationship and what my father taught me. You may find some points in this helpful to your relationship.

Trust is not something that can be earned straight away (the trust I am talking about is the full and complete trust that comes with time and getting know each other very closely). As you get to know each other, your trust expands to include what you know about them. For example what they feel about only sex after marriage and would they stay true to it. Each person builds trust at different rates. Some say that if a person is too trusting straight up it could lead to heartache in the long run as they didn't build that trust firmly. With trust comes stronger bond of love and care.

But what happens if the trust is lost? If someone has done something that has lost your trust in them what do you do? Taking the time to think about is good, but don't do it straight away, give yourself time to go through the emotions. At times, we tend to see everything is bad right after the event and nothing will change our mind. I'm not saying that you should forgive them for what they have done. Once you have gone through the emotions, sit down and really think about what has happen and how it has effected at the time and what effect will it have on your future. Also consider was it a mistake or a one time thing or if it was a deliberate event and why it happened. Once you have considered that why it happened, the next step is how it made you feel at the time you found out and how it makes you feel now. Also if it is likely to happen again in the future and if the person is truly sorry. Once you have answered these questions and you feel that you have made the right decision you may wish to let the person know. If so, let them know how it made you feel and why you came to that decision.What ever decision you make, always remember how you felt and how you came to the final decision. 

Sometimes when trust is broken and the one who's trust was broken and they decided to get back into their relationship with the one who broke their trust, they can go overboard when trying build up their relationship. An example is a couple I know and the lady in the relationship cheated on her boyfriend once with a guy they both knew. Her side of the story on why it happen was because her boyfriend only thought about himself and did not treat her and his kids with any love. His side of the story was he accepted at the time that what happen was part his fault and that they needed to work on their relationship and spend more time with his family. He moved out for a while until everything settled down. During this time he seeked help with a counsellor for help with building on their relationship. His girlfriend promised that it would never happen again and she wanted to focus back on their relationship Over time they got back together and everything seemed better. But not long after he moved back in he started calling his girlfriend nearly every hour to find out what she was doing and where she was. With these actions, he is causing more problems then good. Things are seeming to go back to where they were. So if you were the victim of trust being broken and you would like to get back with your partner, just be careful that things don't go back the way they were or you don't expect perfection from your partner. You are the victim, don't me wrong and it is your trust that was hurt, I just would not like to see that things go back to what they were before your trust is broken. I can't express enough that in no way am I saying that you are not the victim.

Building a strong foundation with trust is a key to a happy relationship.

Dad update

Wow, my little man is 11 weeks today. What a 11 weeks. My little man's reflux is getting better and the new formula is doing great. He is over 6kg. My wife and my little man had to go in for a sleep study last week as my little man was not sleeping, well he slept but it would only be for about a hour then he will be awake. My wife ended up having to hold him while she slept which wore her done very quick. I would have done it but my medication knocks me completely out and it would just not have been safe. Well the sleep study told us what we already knew, he gets over stimulated and over active. We tried a lot of different techniques but nothing seemed to work. My wife came across a technique called EASY which is really working. The whole idea behind it is to have a schedule, but not a schedule that says that he must feed at this time and must be asleep at this time. To works as steps. 1st is to feed him, 2nd is to do a activity with him, 3rd when you see the signs of him becoming tired then you settle them done and then put them to bed and 4th is your own time. I am not fully sure of the details but I know it is really working well. My little man is sleeping a lot better and longer, but he has a lot of sleep to catch up on. He is a lot happier as well. He has started talking to us in his own language which is great.

My heart was broken today. One of my nephews came over to play some games with me, which I got to have one game with him as the little man was hungry. When I was playing the game with my nephew, I had put my little man in his walker (which really looks funny as he can't reach the floor yet) and had him beside me on the floor. After I played the game I went to make my little man a bottle and my wife came up to me and she said that my little man was trying to get my attention and I didn't see him. I thanked my wife for telling me but it broke my heart as I have always wanted my children to feel that they could up to me and always have my attention and never feel that I am not interested in what they had to tell me. So I went and said sorry to my little man and started to feed him. But my nephew, who did not hear what my wife had said, told me that my little man was trying to get my attention as well. This made feel worse. But I am making it a goal that it would never happen again. Another happen today as well. We just finished shopping and I was carrying my little man to the car. When we made it to the car I put my little man back into the prams capsule and then unlocked and started to pick it up. I was unaware that the handle was not locked properly and as I lifted the capsule up out of the pram the handle gave way and my little man feel out of the capsule and into the bottom of the pram. My wife picked him up and she was crying and so was the little man. I felt so sick in the stomach. He is ok, but it made me feel that he was not safe around me at the time. My wife later on spoke to me about it and said that it was only a accident.

Coach Your Mind: Your Story: "I Dare You!"

Coach Your Mind: Your Story: "I Dare You!": "This next story is soooo powerful! My jaw is still dropped, even after the 10th time reading it. It was sent to me anonymously in one long ..."

Update

Wow what a last couple of weeks. Little man on new formula which is working great. The little man that we had at his birth is coming back. He is a lot happier and sleeps a lot longer. We found that he is allergic to dairy. He is sleeping with my wife as this is the only way he will sleep. The pediatrician said to do it if it is only way to get him to sleep. I have had a lot of time to think of some ideas on what I would like to post about, so when I can get some time I will have a few posts to post.

One of my greatest fears hit me this week, my wife had a vomitting stomach bug. Vomitting is my greatest fear along with loosing my family. I have felt selfish, scared, worried and upset. I hate seeing my wife sick and I will do anything to get her better, but how do you help someone when a great fear is in the road. I felt selfish because instead of me worrying about my wife, I asked her if I would get it. (just for your info, I had some very bad childhood vomiting problems and now because the fear has got that bad that I have to ask my wife if I won't be sick if I feel unwell.) I suffer from a condition that I can have full conversations with people in my sleep. I have even driven a car while I was asleep. I have no clue what it is called. I had one of these episodes while my wife was sick and she said that she vomitted and she said that I went off my head at her saying that I will get it and it is all her fault. I was devastated when she told me what happen. I am still saying sorry to her.

I would like to apologies to other bloggers who I follow as I seem to forget to post a comment about their post or even say I read their post. I do read your post. I not sure if there is something that is like Facebook that you can just click like. Catch up soon.

Hard week

This is a hard post to write. Between life and death, family and foe. So here we go. The week started with learning my little man is lactose intolerant. (We have been trying different stuff to see what will help him, but so far we have not found the right stuff. We are heading back to the doctors to see what we can do.) This has caused some extra stress around the house hold. But it got bad on Thursday. With a family that is very rocky at the best of times something happen that rocked the boat, (not between my wife and me) my cousin posted a event on Facebook about supporting pro choice about abortions. (to give a quick history to why I feel strong about this, is because when my wife became pregnant we were told by a few of our family that we have done the wrong thing, which it got to a point that I consider a abortion, which never happened) I posted a comment saying how wrong it is and I feel that it is murder. (in no way is this post to voice my opinion on the matter. I am giving a bit of history) Well this started a argument over facebook which lasted all afternoon. I will admit that I said some wrong things and so did they, but that is no excuse for what I said. This caused a ripple to go through the family. I went away and calmed down and then went straight in and apologised for what I said to my cousin and said that I will not speak about this matter anymore with her and I asked if we could forget about it. Well that didn't go down well.

So my anxiety was quite high and my depression was getting out of control. But I just got on with it. Friday was our wedding anniversary. My mother in-law shouted us a dinner out and then we caught a movie while she looked after my little man. We had a great time. On our return to my mother in-laws house she had a friend over. We all got talking and the argument that I had with my cousin was brought out. My mother in-law and her friend got into about it and told me that what I did was very wrong. I accepted this and was willing to change the subject, but it kept going. It ended with my wife in tears, which made me said that it is time to go. We left and we didn't much sleep that night. I was up early and I looked after my little man. I logged onto Facebook and there was some nasty comments which really hurt. Then it all collapsed. I felt that family was against me. As my wife was asleep and I didn't want to wake her. So all morning I just held my little man close. I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts for 15 years, (there are times that they don't bother me, but I do have my hard times), because I hit a low I started to feel life was just not worth living. I made a promise to wife before we got married that I would never attempt suicide again, but it was hard to keep that promise. So I just held my little man all morning. I knew that if I held him I would never do anything. I don't know why but I posted as my status on Facebook that death sounds good at the moment. Our phone kept ringing all morning, but when you feel pretty low, the last thing I wanted to do is talk to anyone.

It just got to much and I went into my wife and told her how I was that morning and just couldn't stop crying. Then my mum and sister turned up because of the comment. My mum and sister looked after my little man and sent my wife out to have some lunch and to relax. It really helped. I am better now.

Yep suicide can be a selfish way some may say. How could I even think about killing myself with having a beautiful and great wife and a handsome little man? I don't know why I would. All I can say is, don't commit suicide. Life is worth living. I have been right at the point of no return, but I decided to give life one more try. Give life another chance.

Sorry, I usually like to post only positive things, but I think I needed to get this out.

Coach Your Mind: Feet Are For Steppin'

Coach Your Mind: Feet Are For Steppin': "'You don't have to see the whole staircase... just take the first step.' -Martin Luther King, Jr. '... and keep steppin!' -Me"

Inspirational words of wisdom

I came across this Inspirational words of wisdom story that was very thought provoking and that can really ask questions in ourselves of what would we do in this situation. It is called "The Mouse Trap", I am not sure who the author was though.


A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"


The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow and said "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose." So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital, and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.

But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral; the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them. The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.


So what would you do if someone approached with a worry or problem? This story even made me ask what would I do. Thinking about it, there have been times when people have approached me with a problem and don't feel that I did enough. Nothing happen bad in them instances. This in no way says that if someone approached you with a problem that you always have to help, but don't just dismiss it straight away. A listening ear is all that is needed sometimes. 


Thanks to everyone that reads my blog. Please leave me a comment with your blog address so that I can enjoy reading your blog as well.

Dad update

Wow what a first two weeks. Some sleepless nights. But more poor little man is suffering from silent reflux and colic. It breaks my heart to see him in pain. I admit that one night I was up all night with him and I could not get him to settle. At 4am I had enough and took him into my wife and said take him as I have tried everything. Needless to say I still didn't get any sleep. At that time we did not know he had reflux or colic. The next day we took him to the doctors at which they diagnosed him with the reflux and colic. I still am angry at myself for getting angry at my boy the night before. My wife said I didn't know that it was because of the colic and reflux, I just thought he just wanted me to hold him all the time. He is on Losec for the reflux and infacol for the colic. It is only early days. I just hope that they work for him. We are changing the formula that we top him up on, so hope that helps as well. My wife's breast milk is coming in a lot better now, but it is still not enough. He has been feeding very often as his body knows that to help with the reflux he needs to feed more often. My mum came over and looked after my little man while my wife and I did some shopping. I think we needed to have a bit of time to ourself. We are going to plan at least once a month to have one of the grandmothers look after him.

My little is amazing. His neck muscle are very developed, which lets him hold his head up. His body strength is unbelievable. My wife has a lot of trouble when feeding him as he will grab her hand move off him. He has a lot of wind. At the doctors, when we got called in all through the consultation he was letting off and he was loud. The doctor left the room to get something and while the doc was out my little man let a beauty go. My wife and myself was laughing. When the doctor walked in he smelled it and block his nose. We are still laughing about it.

I will keep updating on how he is progressing. Thanks

Depression update

It is nearly impossible to get a statistic on how many in the world today suffer from depression. I have spoken in the past about depression but I have come across some information that I would like to pass on. By the year 2020, depression will be the 2nd most common health problem in the world. About 80% of the people suffering from depression now are not receiving any kind of medical treatment. That is very serious as depression can lead to more serious problems. 

Enough of the statistics. You may know someone who suffers from depression or even suffer yourself by depression. It is very common to hear from others "you will be ok" or "think positive and you will get over it". If hearing that helps you, then that is great. But saying that to a person who suffers from depression can make them more depressed or even think that there is nothing that will help them and that could lead them to take their own life. So I would like to pass on this message I heard recently which may help ones who don't suffer depression or don't understand it. This is a true story. A public speaker was giving a talk and the talk lead to talking about people with depression. The speaker asked a man who was in the front row who was wearing glasses to come up on stage. He asked the man if he could see the clock that was at the back of the hall, and he answered yes. So the speaker asked the man to take his glasses off and then asked the man if he could tell the time now. The man said no. The speaker said "come on try harder" and again the man could not see the what the time was. The speaker kept saying "keep trying" and "try harder" as well as "have more faith in yourself". The man could not see the time. The speaker thanked the man and asked him to go back to his seat. The speaker said that like that man who could not see the time and didn't matter how many times I told him to keep trying, the man could not see the time. The same is like a person who suffers from depression. With some sufferers telling them just keep trying can do more damage than good. So what do you do? Take a interest in them, find out what they have interests in. Believe me, trying to get information out of a person who suffers from depression about what they like can take some time. Take time and be there for them. Coming out and asking too much information about them could make them put up a wall. Start slowly. Encourage them, be positive and just be there for them. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this. If this post helps anyone who either suffers from depression or helps someone knows someone has depression then it has done its purpose. If you have any suggestions about this post that can make it better please let me know. I hope that one day that no one will have to suffer from depression. But now lets help the ones who are suffering to feel there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Inspiring

I know I have already a post speaking about my dad. But I want wirte about how he inspired to be a better man. Here is a link to a song that I came across that really fits this post http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wuq7MH71Nbg , please watch it and you will see why I needed to write this post. My father was not perfect, but I wouldn't want him any other way. He never said or acted that he knew everything. He was very open about everything. If it wasn't for him I would not be the person I am today. Dad let me make my own mistakes, but that didn't mean that he would let me get hurt or put my life in danger. But it took for him to die before I realised it. So I thought that for this post I would like write about being inspired by someone.

 


Someone who inspires does not need to be a relative or even a movie star. You may be inspired by a child that is fighting a illness and still has a smile on their face. You maybe inspired by numerous people. The word inspired means: "aroused or guided by or as if aroused or guided by divine inspiration". Even though my father inspired ne the most, I have been inspired others as well. While at a public speaking class there was a  young man, about 9 years old, who got up and did a reading in front of at least 100 people. He went up calm, did the reading not making one mistake and then sat down. This child was not trained at all and had difficulty learning. He inspired me that much that if I ever had to hope up and do any public talking and my nerves hit me I just remembered this young man. It doesn't stop my nerves but it inspires me to get up there and do my best. My wife inspires me so much, even more now as how well she handles our new baby boy. Yes she does get stressed but she is always have a positive attitude about it and she upbuilds me when I feel that I am not handling being a new dad. I have lots more people who inspire me in different ways, but it would take forever to finish this post.

 


So in a nutshell, inspirations comes in many forms and people. The person doesn't need to be great or famous to be inspired by. Inspiration can be even one thought, like "I wish I could bake a cake like that". But a thought for you, there maybe someone out there that is inspired by you, Think about someone who can't go even go outside because of a fear and they see you out there walking past their home, they maybe thinking "I wish I could be able to go outside like that person.




I will end this post with this quote. "The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money or the most awards. They simply are the ones who care the most."

Being a dad

I am sorry to anyone that subscribed to my other blog about being a first time dad. It was suggested that I should just keep one blog. I thought that was a good idea.

What a couple of weeks. My baby boy was born on the 24th September at 1am. After a 40 hour labour and right up to 9cm the doctors said that he is stuck in my wife's pelvis and she will need a emergency c section. I got ready to go in with my wife to surgery and while I waited outside the theatre I felt sick and light headed. They called me in and I sat beside my wife. Still feeling terrible I was just going to stand up walk out so I didn't collapse and I heard my boy cry for the first time, all the sickness, nerves and being light headed went away. As they were finishing up I went out to the recover section and sat there talking to the mid wife and staring at my little man. What a feeling. No amount of valium and alcohol could ever match that feeling. For my wife and myself we had a instant bond with a little man. Some parents don't get that feeling and that is normal. This has been the first time I have ever been away from my wife at night. Handle it pretty good. Mum and bub are home, wow it is intense. Nappy changes, feeding, up all hours of the night and everything else. My wife has taken the night shift most of the time as I am a very heavy sleeper. But when I wake up the little man is mine. My wife's breast has not come through a lot so we have had to use formula to top him up, but we will not be giving up on breast feeding. Our little man gets impatient if he doesn't have the bottle in his mouth within 1 second. We are all learning and getting to know each other. Before he was born, my wife and I talked about what roll each will have. I wanted to do the bathing, well he doesn't likes baths but he loves to have a shower with mummy.

So much I could tell you, but if I wrote it all down in probably take a week to read just one post. But to put it in a nutshell we are getting there. He is healthy and that what matters. My little man is crying so I am off.

The want to be skinny

It is quite common these day to see magazines with skinny models and that gives the idea that you must be skinny to fit in.This post is not about criticizing people who are skinny, I would like to bring the focus about what some will do to their bodies to achieve what is believed that if you are skinny you will fit in.The reason I am writing this because I have stopped eating, twice and it has ruined my body.

The one I want to focus on is when people starve themselves. Not eating or eating then throwing up can do a lot of damage to your body. I am not sure that starving yourself would get you skinny. You may ask "what damage could I do?" The first symptoms maybe feeling weak, even collapsing or even a weaken immune system. But the long term damage is what I would like to bring. First, imagine the damage you are doing to you stomach. Your stomach will shrink for sure. You may say "how can that be a bad thing?" Starving yourself will start to affect the acid balance. Not eating, eventually, your stomach will start to create more acid which needs food to soak it up. You have a chance of the acid to start come up and burn your esophagus which can cause more trouble.If this starts to happen, it is recommended that you begin a low GI diet as this will start to soak up the acid. This can also cause stomach ulcers.

What about the rest of your body? Your intestines will become unbalanced. One article I read stated that you have a increased chance of developing Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). With IBS, you can be constipated one minute than have diarrhea the next minute.

So is it worth to starve yourself? Well that is your choice. But just think about what could happen to your body in the future. Eating healthier and exercising can give you the body that you want. If you have tried that, you may need to talk to a health provider. Please don't destroy your body as it is the only one you got till you die.

Hey

Hey Everyone, Been a long time since my last post. Life has been a bit crazy with my family, mental health and a bub on the way. We are having a baby boy. I am very excited. My wife and me believed that this was the right time to have children. I have had a few people say that I should get my depression and anxiety under control before we have kids. I used to agree, but after talking deeply with my wife we agreed that there is no better time. My psychiatrist said that it might be the best thing for me as it will help me focus on our baby boy and not myself. I am not going to view our baby boy as the means to get better and I will certainly not blame him if it doesn't help.

I can't wait until he is born as then I can take on greater role with him. I know that doing the house work, cooking and massages really helps my wife and being there through out the pregnancy, but taking on bathing, hugs, settling him down for bed and taking him for a walk will make me feel closer to him. I love just laying on the bed with my wife and feeling him kick, going and getting a ultrasound and see him move and his little heart beat and just learning how each week he grows and develops.

Family. Well, my mum and I are talking again. Six months ago she said that she doesn't want to see me anymore. About 2 months ago, my brother was arrested and sent to jail. He was living with my mum and was supporting her financially. So mum had to move in with my sister. The day my brother was arrested, I got a call from my sister to say what has happen with my brother and that she and mum were up at the police station. I thought I should go up and support the family. Mum was quite upset when I arrived with what has happen. I thought that I should swallow my pride and go and comfort mum. With that single act she is talking to me again and has become involved with the pregnancy.

Mental Health. Well it has been up down. I was on a good mixture of pills which was working really good. Then one day they just stopped working. So that meant the long process of trialling medication, Still not 100%, having a lot of panic attacks lately. There is nothing that has been triggering them. One of my greatest fear is vomiting. So I am a little unsure how I will go when our baby boy gets older and catches a gastro bug. When babies bring up milk when you burp them doesn't worry me at all. Hopefully before he starts getting sick, I would like to be able to control that fear. I have again had to stop working. My employer has been really good as they have left my position open for me if I am able to go back. If I can I will go back.

So my goals for the future blogging. 1. to continue to update this blog & 2. to start a blog on being a new dad and write about my experiences and the many trials about being a dad. It probably be about how I spent a hour just to put a nappy on and stuff like that.

Thank you very much for reading this and I look forward to reading your post as well.